Oh Sh*t I Quit My Job

Do y’all have any idea how speaking on the phone in a room full of people that your anxiety riddled brain everyone and I mean EVERYONE is listening to you speak. Yea I know that’s crazy but hello anxiety! If I wasn’t paranoid about people around me listening it was the fact that I couldn’t even hear myself think on busy days.

Well as you can see from the title…. Yup I quit my job.
I know… its crazy… but here are the reasons why.

1. Mental Health
I don’t really talk about it much, but I have severe social anxiety I’ve had it since I was kid. In fact as a child it manifested itself as Select Mutism (if you would like to find out more about that check this out Select Mutism )
I had a very difficult time speaking out loud to adults, in fact I went basically all of Pre-K through until about 2nd grade not speaking to any of my teachers. Yea… it was a thing. Anyway that’s neither here nor there. Flash forward to now, 29 years old and still terrible at speaking with people face to face. Now I know this is going to come across as a shock to some people because from the outside looking in I’m pretty damn social lol I’m active on almost every social media site, shit I’m bloggin’ and vloggin’ hopefully soon but that doesn’t change the fact that out in the “real world” I still have a very difficult communicating without feeling like I want to cry I literally have to plan out my conversations before I have them now the Job I currently… most recently had was in a call center… sounds perfect for me right? Not having to be face to face the ability to get up whenever I wanted… welp… the answer is no its not. Do y’all have any idea how speaking on the phone in a room full of people that to your anxiety riddled brain everyone and I mean EVERYONE is listening to you speak. Yea I know that’s crazy but hello anxiety! If I wasn’t paranoid about people around me listening it was the fact that I couldn’t even hear myself think on busy days.

2. Physical Health
• Sleepiness. …
• Mood Changes. …
• Difficulty Concentrating and Impaired Performance. …
• Memory and Thinking Problems. …
• Disorientation, Hallucinations and Paranoia…
Yea…. Sooooo those are just a few symptoms of sleep deprivation. Which is exactly what you get when you have the commute Satan prolly makes people do in hell for fun. I would have to get up at the crack of dawn to either drive or hop on a boat (trust me it’s not as good as you think, remember the whole anxiety thing?) then waiting for a lyft or uber to go the rest of the way cuz #asthmagang I can’t walk that much especially in the cold weather without feeling like a fish outta water then at the end of the day when I’m already ready to pass out I still had to wait at least another hour after getting out of work to wait for the same boat to go back to my house, just in time to fall asleep for a few hours and wake up and do it all again.

• Numbness and tingling.
• Dizziness.
• Chest pain.
• Headaches.
• Neck tension.
• Stomach upset, nervous stomach.
• Pulsing in the ear.
• Burning skin.
I know this is starting to look like a WebMD article but hear me out those are just a FEW of the physical symptoms on anxiety… now picture this while talking to a 90 year old about internet for 9 hours a day with ringing in your ears, sittin’ across from your manager, with your every word being recorded and possibly graded at any point in time? My blood pressure was through the roof, I was having almost daily anxiety attacks, I was tired ALL THE TIME, my migraines (which I’m sure will come up quite a few times in future blogs) starting coming on almost bi weekly, I had no energy, I didn’t want to see my friends, I didn’t even want to talk to people on the weekend. I started biting my nails again, and even over eating it was INSANE what I was putting my body through, and I had really just had enough.

3. Money Matters

You know that commute from hell I was just talking about? It cost me upwards of $500 every 2 weeks… which was about half my check now don’t get me wrong, I don’t have that many expenses to begin with but BRUH I was paying a week’s worth of working hours… just to get to work? Nah fam… Now this is where everyone goes, didn’t you say you drive sometimes? Well yes. I could drive but after I leave my house about 2 hours early and battle traffic probably making it to work with about 10 minutes to spare… do you know how much it costs to park the car in the city? Well let’s take a look at the costs of the closest parking lots near my job

Parking lot 1: $25.00 for the day (anything over 6 hours)
Parking lot 2: 36.00 for 3 hours  (fam. You serious?)

Whatever we can just stop at these two because everything in the area is roughly the same, or I can drive around in circles looking for street parking only to be given a ticket because there is no way to leave my office every few hours to put money in a meter.
4. I ain’t not actor why you got me reading scripts

That’s all I have to say about this.

And last but not least…

5. I love myself

I recognized that again in this job (like in my last job) if I remained comfortable I would be stuck, it wasn’t what I wanted to do, it wasn’t helping me grow and it wasn’t giving me the time I needed to get shit done to help further myself.. I’ve gotten to the point where I am no longer comfortable in being uncomfortable, I no longer will settle for less because that’s what I’ve been told to deal with, that work is just a paycheck and it doesn’t matter how you feel. I’m done with that, and here is where the new journey begins…

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